Tricia Burke, Ph.D.
Professor | Assistant Chair
Dept. of Communication Studies
When I sat down to write this article, I searched Google Scholar for “difficult conversations.” The first page of results was mostly comprised of articles about delivering difficult medical news to patients. There are certainly times when we might be apprehensive about delivering medical news to family, friends, and coworkers. Still, more commonly, our “difficult conversations” consist of misunderstandings or disagreements about our daily lives. These issues might include finances, distribution of labor, parenting, boundaries, trust, expectations, and, due to the upcoming presidential election, politics.
If your neighborhood is anything like mine, you’re probably seeing a lot of political yard signs popping up, and if your family is like mine, you probably have different opinions about who should win the upcoming election. It can be difficult to find middle ground during disagreements, but when it comes to your family and friends, I bet you can agree on one thing: you care about each other. Start with that. Discuss your relationship and what it means to you; explain that you want to discuss an uncomfortable or potentially contentious issue because your relationship is important to you and the healthiest way to maintain your relationship is to be open with each other. In the case of workplace relationships, explain that you want to confront the issue because you care about your colleague and want to maintain a professional and collegial workplace relationship.
As a communication professor, I would also advise you to prepare for the conversation ahead of time. Consider your goal for the conversation, as well as how to deliver your message so the other person can hear it. Make sure to choose a good time and a setting where both people feel comfortable. Express your feelings about the person’s behavior (“I feel frustrated when you walk away during conflict”) without attacking the person (“You never listen to me!”). Acknowledge your role in the situation to level the playing field and validate the other person’s perspective. Finally, try to be calm, respectful, empathetic, and practice effective listening skills to ensure the other person feels heard.
These are just a few tips to get you started on the right foot. Learn more about broaching difficult topics in our WellCats Education Series, It’s Time to Talk: Having Challenging Conversations.